Becoming a missionary is hard. Ministry is hard. Working in missions is hard. Cross-cultural ministry is really hard. So is moving across the country, living in New York City, and walking through a blizzard in two feet of snow to buy milk for your kids. Sometimes life is just hard. But God is faithful.
Some days I do not want to talk to anyone. Not even myself.
Some days I just want to go back to my comfortable spacious home in Texas (well… the home that I used to own). I just want to sit in my backyard and not have to worry about walking to the laundry mat in sub-arctic temperatures.
God is faithful
Thankfully, God is bigger than me. Thankfully Christ is my rock, my redeemer and my salvation.
As we started a new year here in New York City, I found myself… challenged. To be honest, it felt like I was rolling a boulder uphill. And I was at the bottom. And I was standing behind an unmoving, very large, boulder.
Thankfully God does not wait for me to be mentally ready or physically prepared.
Thankfully God’s plans are bigger than mine.
Thankfully God does not rely on me in the infinite scope of his perfect and divine plan.
God designed us to exist in a community, thankfully.
As we sank back into the next chapter of our time here in New York City, I found myself reliant on my own strength and (predictably) found myself woefully inadequate. But then two incredible things were revealed to me: 1) God gave me a community, the body of Christ, to lift me up and 2) God’s sovereign power is in no way reliant on me to move.
One of the greatest gifts God has given me this year is the community of believers I get to serve with here. They are faithful men and women who have dedicated their lives to Christ. They are an inspiration and a call to action. Their love for the Lord and desire to see Christ’s saving grace brought to those who have never known grace and love is truly a thing of beauty.
They lifted me up. Rather, He lifted me up through them.
God is still working
But beyond this exceptional community, God taught me that he is here working even when I am simply staring at my boulder. This week God moved in the lives of several men and women that were earnestly and truly seeking to know their maker more. They are incredible stories of God working in the midst of brokenness and amongst the nations. But beyond the incredible beauty of God’s sovereign plan, he taught me something much more profound.
He is faithful.
God is moving here in this city. He is here among the broken. He is here among the nations. His plan is not reliant on me and does not wait for me to move. His love does wait for my patience. His grace does not rely on my strength. He is moving here. He is holding me up when I cannot see him, and he loves me even when I am lost to his plan.
My job here at Equip while learning about becoming a missionary is not to learn “the doing of Godly things.” My job here is to learn to simply be totally and completely reliant on God’s sovereign will. Sometimes that looks like my brothers and sisters in Christ lifting me up. But, more importantly, it means me learning to simply abide in him and learning to simply acknowledge that the creator of all is sovereign. Thank goodness no one is relying on me to get that boulder up the hill. He is faithful even when I am not. Becoming a missionary is hard. Ministry is hard. But our God is faithful!